Have you ever witnessed somebody who is so confident and fluent in conversations that it’s actually really impressive? How do they do it?

你是否遇过自信满满、谈笑风生的社交达人，给人印象尤为深刻?他们是怎么做到的呢?

We all know people who are beloved by everyone and seem able to make friends wherever they go. Some regard them with admiration tinged with a bit of envy, then shrug their shoulders and figure those people are just born with that special “something”. It might be surprising to learn that being popular is a skill that can be learned like any other.

我们都遇到过人见人爱的家伙，他们到哪儿似乎都能交上朋友。有人对他们既羡慕又嫉妒，最后耸耸肩觉得他们或许天生就有“万人迷”的本领。其实，“人见人爱”也是一种可以学习的技能哦!

Just as you wouldn’t expect to wake up one morning knowing how to play the piano, the key to success in making friends is setting goals and developing a game plan. Use these seven tips as the framework on which you build your skill set.

就像你不可能一觉醒来就变成钢琴高手一样，交朋友也需要设定目标、循序渐进。请参考以下7个贴士，训练自己成为社交达人吧!

1. Be interested, not interesting

关注他人，而非以自我为中心

A widespread misconception is that popular people are the ones talking about their latest promotion or exciting vacation they took or wild party they attended. Hearing the occasional interesting story is fine, but most people become bored or resentful listening to these blow-by-blow accounts. It’s far more effective to take a genuine interest in the lives of others and get them talking about themselves. And remember that no word sounds as magical as one’s own name. Addressing people by name makes them feel special.

常见的错误想法是：受欢迎的人总在谈论自己最新升职、快乐假期或热辣派对。偶尔听听有趣故事也还不错，但若一直听别人呱啦炫耀，多数人会感到厌烦抵触。更有效的办法是：真正对他人生活感兴趣，多让别人开口讲话。而且请记住：世上最美好的词就是自己的名字。所以，常称呼他人姓名，让他们觉得自己特别。

2. Be positive – but not too positive

积极乐观，但也别做过头

Think about people you’ve known who expect the worst from everyone and everything and aren’t shy about speaking up. Not much fun to be around, are they? This doesn’t mean you have to be constantly spreading false rays of sunshine. That’s nearly as annoying as eternal pessimism. Have a clear-eyed and honest attitude and people will come to value your opinions as trustworthy.

想想身边那些口无遮拦的家伙，总是扫人兴搅浑局，真没趣，是吧?你无须总是假装给点阳光就灿烂，这种做法和无休止的悲观一样惹人厌烦。保持镇定诚恳，别人自然会信赖你。

3. Be charitable to others

善待他人

Gossiping about friends and co-workers may gain you an audience, but it’s superficial and temporary. Those who indulge their pettier instincts trashing others aren’t the ones you want in your circle. Eventually even those people will realize that you’re just as likely to be talking about them in the same way and they’ll steer clear. It also translates as weakness and insecurity, trying to build yourself up by tearing others down. Take the high road and you’ll be seen as fair-minded.

背后议论朋友和同事虽能赢得同盟，但却非常肤浅短暂。相信你也不喜欢和爱八卦的人做朋友。最后这些人甚至会发现，他们自己也会这样被人八卦，只好灰溜溜避开。八卦其实是一种软弱和不安的表现，八卦的人试图通过诋毁他人来膨胀自己。正直做人，别人会认为你比较公正。

4. Be helpful and dependable

帮助他人，值得信赖

If someone you know needs assistance that you’re able to provide with a minimum of inconvenience, offer it. The key term here is “minimum of inconvenience”. Doing favors for others that involve more time and trouble than they would for the person themselves comes across as desperation. Giving aid when you’re truly in a position to do so communicates a sincere interest in the welfare of others. As a side note, be sure to follow up on any commitments you make. The damage to your reputation is doubly harsh if people can’t count on your word.

如果身边有人向你求助，而你又确实方便帮忙，那就帮吧。当然，前提是这没有给你造成“一丁点不便”。同样的困境，帮助他人要耗费更多时间和精力。若你真的方便帮忙，对他人而言，那就是诚挚的关怀。另外，帮完后别忘了关注后续进展。要是没能帮成，那你的名誉可就岌岌可危了。

5. Be a “matchmaker”

做“媒人”

If you’re heading to the movies with a friend, invite another film-loving pal to come along. Love sports?Assemble a group to attend the big game. Spearhead gatherings at your home or a fun venue such as a wine bar, inviting at least a few people who are new to the group. Keeping your social network interconnected has a circular effect where you’re perceived as having many friends, thereby gaining you even more. Don’t forget your manners during impromptu meetings, either. When out with a friend, many people make the mistake of failing to introduce them to others they may encounter. By doing so you run the risk of coming off as socially inept at best and rude or uncaring at worst.

跟朋友去看电影时，顺便叫上其他爱看电影的朋友。喜欢运动?那就叫上一帮人组织一场比赛吧。主动请人来家里小聚，或去酒吧找找乐子，每次在圈子里介绍几个新人。保持自己的社交圈活络具有循环效应：别人会认为你有很多朋友，结果你也确实交上越来越多的朋友。当然，重要聚会上一定要举止得体。和朋友外出时，很多人都会犯错，不把朋友介绍给遇到的人，结果情况好的话，会被人看作“社交无能”，刻薄点的话，会被认为“粗鲁无礼”。

6. Be your (best) self

做(最好的)自己

Yes, it’s a cliche you’ve heard a million and one times, but ideas become cliches by standing the test of time. Insincerity is a huge turn-off and no matter how great of an actor you are, the pretense will catch up with you. The most attractive people, both physically and mentally, are the ones who are clearly comfortable in their own skin. Accepting and embracing your own unique qualities radiates a healthy confidence that’s magnetic to others.

没错，这已是说过无数次的陈词滥调了，但别忘了：陈词滥调好歹也经得起时间考验。虚伪非常惹人讨厌，而且不管你装得多么像模像样，总有一天会被拆穿。外貌和心灵上最有魅力的人，往往都是坚持自我的人。接受并拥抱自己独特的个性也说明你很自信，而自信总能吸引他人。

7. Be self-aware

有自知之明

Periodically step outside yourself to evaluate how you come across to others. Don’t mistake this for being overly concerned with their opinions of you. Taking stock of the image you project shows a healthy respect for yourself as well as for them. Another factor to consider is your body language. You may not even realize that you’re wearing a perpetual frown or creating a stand-offish posture with crossed arms and lack of eye contact. It’s a simple concept, but it can make a big difference with how comfortable people feel around you.

常从局外人角度反省自己和他人的关系。这并不表示你太介意他人对你的看法。反省自己的形象说明你尊重自己和他人。另外，你还应注意自己的肢体语言。或许你一直没发现，自己常常皱着眉头、胳膊交叉抱胸、少有眼神接触。肢体语言并不难懂，却很能影响他人对你的感觉。

As you work on developing your social skills, keep in mind that these tips center around the saying, “To have a friend, be a friend.” If you let that advice guide your actions, you’ll develop that charisma that makes people want to be around you while also staying true to your own values and principles.

当你努力培养社交技能时，请记住：这些建议都是为了“交朋友”。如果你听从建议并采取行动，不仅能拥有人见人爱的魅力，还能同时保持自己的价值和原则。